Perhaps this is all just advice to myself. But I know lots of women who are about to have boys for the first time. So maybe they can get something out of this, too.
1. Hold them on your lap as often as you can, even if they toot while the are sitting there.
2. Let them kiss you as many times as they want--on your arm, your leg, your back, your face, wherever--even if they refuse to wash the yogurt, oatmeal, jam, ketchup off their faces. Or, if one son is a compulsive lip-licker, let him kiss you with those freshly-licked lips and wait until he isn't looking to wipe the slobber off your face.
3. They want to crawl into your bed early in the morning when you're too lazy to get up yet and the house is still summer-morning cold. Let them. Snuggle them. They will kick you. A lot. They will smash parts of you that don't need to be smashed. Sorry. You have to do this anyway.
4. Take his hand. Especially if he's reaching out to you. It doesn't matter that his hand just came out of his pants. Hold his hand anyway.
5. If you lie down on the floor for any reason (or even sometimes on the couch), be fully prepared to be climbed all over. You are now no longer the parent. You are that useful thing that makes him an airplane or a superman or a catapulting warrior. You are the racetrack and also the car. It's ok if you stand up again as soon as you can extricate yourself. You can only be expected to tolerate so many knees to the pubic bone.
6. If you are obediently doing number 3 (or number 1, perhaps) and they have just had their morning cup of milk, they will burp. In your face. Remind yourself that these milk burps are sweet, a lot better than any of the burps your sibling(s) used to blow into your face when you were a child.
7. Sometimes one son will wordlessly hold up one finger to you. You don't know what this means. It means: "I have something yucky on the tip of this finger and you, parent, must clean it off for me." The Yucky Stuff could be one of several different bodily substances, and, by the way, earwax is extremely difficult to remove from under such small fingernails. It will be some time before you can fairly say, "GROSS! clean that off yourself!"
8. There is no such thing as getting dressed without someone walking in on you. It can't be done.
9. Tooting in the bath is funny. Don't get snooty about this and try to be the mature one. You might as well giggle along with them. Pooping in the bath, however, is never, ever funny. Everyone should be clear on that.
10. If they lick you, your only recourse is to tickle them mercilessly.
Anything I'm forgetting?
5 comments:
LOL! What does it mean about my girls if they do all the same stuff????
what am i gonna do if i have girls? my sisters will be useless to me. absolutely useless.
Well, I don't know if this should be part of your list, but I remember having to teach my boys how to: throw and catch a softball or a baseball; milk a goat; urinate in a toilet. Their dad helped, but don't be thinking he did it all.
haha thanks for the info. it doesn't seem like little boys and little girls are too much different :) but i'm excited to see what those differences are! :)
I love this!! You are great Ann and I got a kick out of this. I can't seem to keep my clothes clean these days with my little guy's dirty messy hands always all over.
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