Sad. Ugly. But true.
Yesterday at Target, one of my boys got upset because we were leaving instead of going to look at the Cars in the toy section. We were near the checkout counter, so there were lots of people near us. He started crying sort of loudly. And here's the sad part: I actually caught myself looking around to see if anyone was looking at us. I noticed I was doing it and rolled my eyes at myself.
It came to me, as I saw that no one was looking, that even if they were looking, they certainly wouldn't care. How many kids with their moms have any of us seen in a store where the kid is upset about something? Thousands? What possible reason could I have for worrying what these strangers in Target were going to think about me as a mother when they saw my son get upset? Why would it matter to me WHAT they thought of me, IF they did have a second of time to spare from thinking about their own concerns to think about me?
But I still seem to care, to worry, and, yes, to even CHANGE what I do and say according to what I imagine someone else might approve of or disapprove of. Within certain limits, of course.
What is wrong with me?
Wait, don't tell me. I already know. And I'm disgusted by it.
1 comment:
Doesn't everyone?!
Ashlyn bangs her head on things when she is upset...to the point that she gets huge purple bruises ... and she does it on purpose! I have wondered at times if I need to get her a permanent forehead helmet! I get all sorts of looks from people... If I'm quick or see it coming I can at least put my hand on her forehead to stop her...but when I don't succeed...people look at me incredulously! At least she doesn't get upset as often now and when she is having a tantrum on carpet I can usually get to her -before- she finds the closest hard surface.
Luckily they are fewer and far between these days. I think it's funny when Dad's are standing by me and they just say quietly..."I have a two year old too." And it makes me feel better to see other kids throwing tantrums because I think..."Ok, my kid's normal." When many times... I just think she's nuts!
You are definately not alone on this one.
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