Another Look (at yesterday)

After posting last night, I did go upstairs and decide to try some ice cream. And the last two lonely chocolate covered pretzels floating around in their large ziploc bag. And the last piece of yellow cake that's been sitting in the freezer wrapped in plastic for the past few weeks.

There, sitting on the table, was a magazine with advice from a wise and prophetic old man. Since I always like it when I have something to read while eating, I read where he said things like

"If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly."

And while I had terrible difficulty believing that, the general advice to look for the positive and find joy in the present and show love and gratitude didn't make me feel more bitter or more guilty. Which I thought they would. I was all prepared to finish my ice cream and cake feeling more terrible about myself than ever and just continue wallowing in my 100% unjustified self-pity.

So I'm very glad I didn't. Instead, I just sat on the couch bundled in a comfy blue down throw blankie and listened to my audio book. And I did go to bed a little while later.

This morning, my little one slept in until 7:15. That's 47 minutes later than usual!

And how different the day looks today.

Today it looks like we have some excellent options for where to live if we choose to move. One very excellent-looking option in particular that we are leaning toward.

It also looks like instead of having to wash ALL the sheets and blankets from my older boy's bed again today, I only have to wash the SHEETS. And a few peed clothing items. And the other stuff that's been piling up while I've been washing all his bedding.

Did I mention the part about getting a lot more sleep last night than normal? And I let my husband sleep in, which he desperately needed.

That same husband, by the way, has two jobs, which together will actually allow us to pay for our lives. You know, pay rent and buy (CHEAP!) gas, and so forth. He also gets to work toward a degree which will make his job situation better in the future and which he enjoys working toward.

A blogger whose words I read a lot likes to say that what we do every day matters a lot more than what we do every once in a while. Here's what I do with my boys every day:

Read to them
Play with them
Sing to them
Laugh with (at?) them
Hold them on my lap (often without saying anything at all)
Give them hugs and kisses
Tickle them (whether they like it or not)

There are other things I do with them every day, like feed, clothe, etc. But I have to remind myself that this stuff matters. It just does. And I don't (usually) find it hard to do all of these things every single day. So if I can focus on making lots of days go by without yelling at them but not let any days go by without giving them attention and affection (and so forth), just think how much better I will feel about myself as a mom.

And maybe I will one day get back to feeling like this again. If that makes any sense.

If it does snow again this weekend, I'll just have another chance to hear my little one trying to put the S sound and the N sound together to say that new word. Snow!